In a week, I'll be 28. I want to go to Michigan's Adventure (amusement/water park) and be a kid again. He's going with me, I think. We're back to being friends, back to spending our time together, back to the same old bullshit that I'm not happy without. It makes me happy to be his friend. It makes me unhappy to not be his friend. We'll keep it simple for now.
I want to paint my walls, but I'm too lazy. I want to do a lot of things to my house, but I'm too lazy. And busy. I want my house to be a home, like they always say. Right now it's a square box I live in sometimes.
I haven't been to the beach yet this year. I think that's some sort of sin. My brother bought a fishing boat. It's very cute. I want to go for a ride, but I don't want to kill any fish. I have nightmares about trying to save dying fish, so something tells me it wouldn't be very good for my psyche.
I wish I had money for a tattoo. I can picture exactly what I want. Colorful on my rib cage. I'm so broke though.
I'm not going to talk about Michael Jackson, except to say I had the Thriller video on VHS when I was 3 or 4, and I made my dad watch it with me every morning before I went to the babysitter, and it scared the shit out of me every morning. I loved it. That is pretty much my only Jackson memory, and it's a good one, so thanks Mike.

I love this song. This is an accoustic live version. The album version makes me want to run really fast. Excellent running song. Anyway, I wish I could walk around wearing a tophat, that would be amazing.

Not much to say.
Such is everyday life.

I've been tanning. In a tanning bed. I promised myself I wouldn't, but...
Oh well. I look good(ish). I'm not going to take it to an extreme like I have in past summers. With the real sun or fake-n-bake beds.

It seems like I workout a lot. It's become a major thing in my life. I have goals to meet, I guess. I suggest Jillian Michael's DVDs if you want to lose weight/get in shape. I added them into my normal workout routine and saw changes quickly. Which was fantastic since I hadn't seen any changes for almost a month, even though I was eating right and exercising every day. So yeah, I'm in love with Jillian. What can i say.

Other than that, I have no life. This needs to change.

Oh, I was dating a guy for awhile, but that didn't work out. I lost all interest, out of nowhere. I wonder if I'll ever fall for anyone again. Like, really fall for someone. I'm almost 28 and I feel like time is ticking. I'm not sure why I feel like I'm running out of time, but shouldn't I already be married? I mean, most 28 year olds are already coming up on the their first divorce.

An early morning walk

A tree a family friend gave us to plant right after my grandma died. She loved pretty trees. Who doesn't really?



Why yes, I do live out in the middle of nowhere, thanks for asking.
It's kinda nice.






Oh hi there horse.


The End.

I need to take more pictures

The past week was beautiful some days, rainy others, but mostly beautiful I suppose. I did a lot of nothing, and I really liked that.
I dog parked it a few times with Smiley Riley. No pictures, so regret because there were some adorable dogs there. Next time.
I gave myself bangs. Again. I don't understand women who freak out over their hair and cutting it. On What Not To Wear the other day, the hair stylist basically did nothing to this woman's hair but give her some good old bangin bangs and she was flipping the flip out. C'mon. Bangs grow out in like, 5 minutes, and after that you just give yourself a nice side part, push em on over and no more bangs! Another reason I hate that show, people like that. Oh, you just gave me $5000 worth of brand new clothes and I'm going to throw a tantrum over a hair cut that will look better anyway?
I watched an old marathon of ANTM, that was productive. It was the season with Jade. Oh man that chick is delusional. But I guess they all are mostly. I don't know who wins, I DVR'd the last 3 episodes when I just couldn't take anymore that day. It was raining, cut me a break. My guess is Danielle?
I went through all my summer clothes, which I do every year at this time, and tried every single thing on to decide what to keep and get rid of. I'd say half of it is going on ebay. It's all practically new, brand name shit, just too big on me. This task took me like 3 hours. Lame. But my spare bedroom is now housing my summer clothing, and I'll leave my winter stuff in my bedroom. In the past, I've always had to switch out the winter/summer clothes, store stuff in bins, etc but I was like why do that when I have a whole 'nother closet and dresser in here? I'm pretty smart like that.
Oh and trying on summer stuff makes me NEED a tan. NOW. but I'm sort of afraid of getting skin cancer, if I don't already have it. And fake tans are smelly and streaky. So what do I do? You gotta admit, everyone looks better with a tan. Sigh. Life is tough.
So I stopped counting calories for a week because everyone was giving me shit about being obsessive about that and eating in general, and how I'm not eating enough etc etc... and I gained 1.5 pounds. See?? I know what I'm doing. I swear half the people that say something about it aren't even concerned, they're jealous because I'm losing weight. It's not some magical trick you guys. It's not easy to make myself workout everyday and eat healthy always. It really sucks, actually. So don't be jealous, just conjure up some will power and you can do it too.
That's all I have to say about that.

I still love them too!

Ode to my kittens...








I do feel a tiny bit guilty that I've had a third cat since December and haven't taken one picture. But... she is pretty much identical to Little Lucky (the black one) since she is her MOMMY. Yeah, Lucky's mom was a stray around our neighborhood for 4 years. Everyone fed her, and she eventually became pretty tame. When Lucky decided to go out on her own after being born, she ended up locked in a pole barn, almost dead, when we found her. I saved her. A year and a half later, I was outside feeding Mama Cat and it was beyond freezing, so I let her inside, shutting her in the bathroom until I could make sure she was disease-free. She didn't want to leave again. I think after 4+ years struggling to survive, she was done and wanted to retire. I named her Niko. Her and Lucky don't like each other all that much, which I find a little funny. They're both sweethearts in their own ways though.
So there is my dose of cat lady craziness. You're welcome.

Ahhhh

Those ears just kill me.
Is it weird to miss your dog when you're at work?
Man, I'm such a sucker.

I really love when he tries to sit his 80 lb body on my lap. He is such a goof. I mean, how can anyone not love dogs?
I really don't love my cute tiny fat roll in this picture. Is it even noticable? I'm hyper-critical of myself, this is true.
A goal would be to not have any rolls of any sort when I sit on the floor and let my dog climb all over me.
I only lost one pound the past week. Damn you Easter and all your deliciousness. Five pounds this week. Warm weather = more exercise.
Oh, I now live ALONE and it is wonderful. I really missed walking around in my underwear.
I took Riley (my dog) to the nursing home where my grandma lives. He's done pet therapy before and he seemed OK with it all. The old people flocked to him, and I hope I brightened their days a little bit.

Riley

So, I got a dog. He is, honestly, the sweetest dog I've ever come across. And incredibly loyal. He's already my best friend.
Even my cats like him.

I'm so glad I went through a rescue, and met some great people in the process. I'm definitely going to be helping them out in the future. They're going to start taking in horses in need of homes! I'm so there.

Questions on my mind...

Everyone talks about how loving someone and being in love with someone is 2 completely different things. My ex said he loved me more than anyone, but he wasn't (isn't) in love with me.
I can't relate to that statement.
Sure, there are different forms of love. That's just a fact. I love my family in a different way than I love my friends. Friends are different than boyfriends. Boyfriends are different than my cats. Etc Etc Etc
But tell me this. Tell me how a man can spend 4 years with me, can tell me I'm his best friend; can tell me he trusts me more than anyone, can depend on me more than anyone; tell me the attraction is magnetic; tell me I can make him laugh like no one else; tell me no one will ever be better than me in bed; tell me I know him better than anyone else in the world...?
And not want to be with me.
He's just not in love with me.
Excuse me, but isn't that exactly what being in love is? The very definition of it?
Being with your best friend? With all the bonus benefits?
Isn't that all you can really hope for in this life?

Sometimes, I take a look in the mirror, I take a look at my life, and all I can think is
"I'm so fucked."
How do you move on when you don't really want to?

So hi thur, what's been happening with me? Well.
My week off of work was busy and as usual it FLEW by. But that's OK, because in a week, I'll have another week off because I'm special in my own special way.
I spent tons of time at the gym, working out and playing volleyball with some peeps I sorta kinda know. It's like that at my gym. Small town = kinda sorta knowing every single person you see there. Some days it's cool, when I feel like talking to people and other days it's not cool because I'm anti-social and shy and sometimes get extremely anxious having to make small talk with sort-of-strangers.
Anyway. Volleyball is so much fun! I'm addicted. Again. I go through phases. Next it will be roller skating. (I hope) (Skating, not blading)
I also bought a new car a couple days ago. I've been leasing for like 6 yrs now, finally bought one. I got a deal. Thanks to my dad for going with me and being completely hilarious and making the salesmen feel awkward.
I spent some time at my bestest friend's house. Highlights include getting my ass kicked playing the Wii with her 4 year old son and...
Puppy!

This is Polly.

This is Polly (left) and her brother.
They were in a litter of nine, and rescued after a drug bust. The police found them outside almost freezing to death, and a rescue organization took them and the mommy in. My friend adopted Polly, and my friend's friend adopted her brother, Vader.
She is the cuddliest thing I've ever encountered and I can't even describe how a puppy can make a person like me melt into a pile of goo. She's crazy smart too, learned to sit within a minute, learned to shake within 2 minutes. Such a sweety.
Should I get a puppy?
So tempting, but I know that older dogs have a much harder time getting adopted. Plus, a puppy is sorta like having a baby, and we all know that's the last thing I need.
Hmm what else. I saw Gran Torino. Overall, this movie was excellent, Clint is and always will be a badass motherfucker, and it made me cry (like most good movies do). Some of the acting by the lesser known actors was a little off for me, but I still give this an 8.5 out of 10.
I cleaned out the closet in my old house (where my brother and his girlfriend will be living) and found some treasures. Including but not limited to:
a pair of brand new black pants (for work) that I purchased and forgot about like 5 years ago.
A hat I wore constantly at age 16.
All my concert ticket stubs (well, probably 75% of them) in a small box which also had a picture of a naked man holding a gun. I have no idea who that naked man is. Did you know I attended a Bush/No Doubt concert in '96 for $17.50? What a deal. And you know that's when Gavin and Gwen were first hooking up on the tour bus right??? I also attended a Tool concert in '97 for $18.50! What the hell has happened to ticket prices, geez.
I also found my journal from high school. Fucking hilarious. I'll transcribe some here maybe, but probably not because I'm lazy and no one reads this anyway. But maybe. I was a naughty, naughty teenager.
OK, well I'm sure I did other stuff, but a girl's gotta have some secrets.
Secrets Out.
Did you like that?
No?
Me neither.