Our Old Friend Fear

Oh wow, not having internet at home really blows. I live so way out in the sticks again that there is only dial-up. That is not even a form of internet, that's how slow it is. Can't deal, so I don't even try.
Good news though, I had Dish Network installed, so I can rot my brain that way instead.
I went with my mom to a nursing home, she is scouting them out for my crazy grandma. Turns out, you basically can't find a nursing home ever, because people are living to be like 130 and no one ever dies. But somehow we lucked out and this one place we went to has an open bed. So, we went on the tour of the place and I pretty much had a lump in my throat and I was blinking back tears the entire time. If you've never been to a nursing home, I don't recommend it. But you should go if you know someone there, I bet they really look forward to visitors because fuck that place is depressing. I don't know if I was almost crying because I felt sorry for the people in there, or because I knew one day it could be me in there. It was my worst fear on display, in all it's glory, right in front of me.
Sometimes I think I'm wasting my life. Every minute that passes...
I volunteered again at the Humane Society. I really love it there, especially playing with the attention deprived animals. They are so grateful, I can just see it on their faces. There are so many kittens and puppies. Get your animals spayed and neutered you hillbillies. Seriously. I have such a difficult time leaving and not taking a new friend home with me.
I just thought about this. Oh geez, no wonder I was so depressed and wanted to hurl myself in front of oncoming trains. One day I was at the nursing home, the next I was at the Humane Society. Both are extremely hard to deal with when you are an emotionally sensitive freak like me.