Blahhhhh.
I feel like I need some sort of intervention, something like a MIRACLE to make me appreciate life or whatever because lately I really don't. I'm so sick of it all. I think I may need mental meds, for serious.
I was just reading raymi's blog and someone wrote her about their cat dying and I was crying. Is that normal? I don't think it is.
All I focus on and obsess about is eating (NOT eating) and exercising. It's all I have, really. I don't know if it's a good or bad thing. I finally ate something fattening a few minutes ago, it was paper thin cheese pizza, it was all so thin and little that I didn't really consider it pizza at all.
I do realize I have a broken heart. I have for a long time.
I was playing rock band by myself (god I'm such a winner) and I played Go Your Own Way and that made me cry too.
We used to play rock band together a lot.
Fuckity fuck.
I wish I were one of those people that could just get over stuff. Like, "OK, that sucked and I'll be sad for a couple days but now I'm a brand new person! I'm reinvented because I'm fabulous!" I am not that girl. I care too much and I get too attached and I obsess and I can't. let. go.
Pathetic.
I'm so down on myself right now and that makes me even more pathetic.
Endless cycle.
Well, I'm done venting I guess I'll go run up and down the stairs because of that fucking pizza.
Click the purple paw please! It's free and it helps!
1 comment:
Understanding how you feel, and making choices based on that is a very hard thing to do. Because you don't really know "how your suppose" to feel, is it normal to be blue, or feel some things and not others? By blogging, or even keep a diary of what your feeling, which for guy is fucking impossible, because we lie about everything anyway, Gives you something to look back at after a month or 2, when your feeling okay, and maybe you can identify something you can do different, or recognize that what ever was going on was bogus.
This is hard stretch now, of winter. That post holiday, pre spring period where is just keeps snowing, it's frigid cold, work is slow, you have cabin fever etc. etc. etc. ROAD TRIP... FLORIDA!! But short of that, try to find something you enjoy, and escape. I like to read, so its easy. This is going to sound dumb, but when I am really stuck and in a funk, I'll go watch American Pie because it has no serious social meanings, its funny and I can relate. I can leave that place I'm in for an hour and 1/2.
And as far as meds go, if the valleys are too deep in how you feel, then so be it. I take a tiny dose of a zoloft generic, 25mg, which seems to help me stay out of the deep valleys. Paxil turned me into a zombie, I could care less about anything! So you may have to work a little with your doc. Just remember that these are not on/off drugs, they take a few days to take hold, and even longer to stop taking them. You have ease off by cutting the dose down over a week or 2.
Thanks for being honest, it helps to know that I am not the only one wandering around wondering wtf? wtf??
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