Well today is special because I packed up all my stuff in a fit of rage that basically came out of no where, so now all my stuff is in boxes and bags and ready to move.
But I really have no where to go.
Today is also special because I feel like such a failure. Have you ever given 100% and had it all shoved back in your face, unwanted? Have you ever felt like being good enough, being loved, is a distant dream...
a part of life you will never experience?
Today I'm feeling sorry for myself because I can. I deserve it.
I don't understand why some people have it so easy, and I never do. When it comes to the ever-infamous "being in love" I get a knife in my back everytime.
I'm only 26 years old but I feel like I'm going to give up. Over and over again, a cycle of hurt. I'm pretty sure it's all my fault.
Nobody loves me, everybody hates me...
Fuck I really don't want to cry right now. It's easier to be angry.
I'm pretty sure the last eight years of my life have been wasted time. I have accomplished nothing. I can't think of one thing that I would want to live over again. I need to do something. But holy shit that's hard.
Change my life? Yeah right. Impossible.
Click the purple paw please! It's free and it helps!
3 comments:
Been there. I really can't offer any solace for you. Although I am a whole year older than you, so you should consider me an elder. I could give you some bullshit cliche that will do nothing to assuage the thoughts that are going through your head right now. But I'm not really a cliche kind of guy.
I can only say that life really does suck. And no matter how hard we try, it's still gonna suck. The best we can do is put on our masks and pretend to not feel that way, until sooner or later, these feelings pass, as they always do.
Or you could just punch a random stranger in the face. That always cheers me up.
Adam- I considered your advice very seriously while in line at the store earlier. I even had my fist clenched. But then I thought about going to jail and all that and just decided to smile instead. I still don't feel better.
Thanks for the comment though =)
I think later in life you look at your trials and see exactly how they helped get you where you are. I know that doesn't help now but it really does later on. Good luck with figuring out where to go. I'm sure you will end up in the right place. Just when you totally get to love your independence and solitude, someone will come along and ruin it in a good way.
C
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