It is a known fact that I don't drink very often. The one and only reason is because I get wicked hangovers. About 3 or 4 years ago, I just couldn't justify feeling (and sometimes smelling?) like rotten ass after a night of drunken fun times. I could actually feel the the alcohol like, poisoning my body. It was not a good feeling. I have even gone as far to say that I'm allergic to alcohol. Not sure if that's possible, but that's how I felt.
Back in high school and my early 20s, I could drink like a champ. I could drink until 6 am, sleep for and hour and a half, then go to work for 8 hours and feel fanfuckingtastic. I'd then go out and do it all over again.
Somewhere along the line, I lost my boozing talents. I became old and boring, I guess.
Saturday night, I decided it would be one of the two or three times a year I make the decision to get wasted. I purchased raspberry Smirnoff and Sprite Zero. I knew I could drink this stuff like kool-aid and I knew it would get the job done. I mixed a large drink, drank half of it, and as J walked in the door, I could already feel it. I felt good. Why, I wondered, didn't I do this more often?
I had already prepared myself for the very possible fact that I'd be vomitting sometime in the next 12-16 hours, and I was OK with that. But that doesn't mean I didn't do my best to prevent this.
I ate a Nature Valley granola bar and one cheese breadstick. I took 2 tylenol. I took a multi-vitamin with a large glass of water. I then waited 30 minutes until I mixed my first drink.
The key, I believe, is a multi-vitamin. Maybe this has always been a known fact, but I just learned that it may prevent a morning barf fest mixed with jackhammer headache.
I somehow talked J into going to a local bar, where I was convinced I could beat his ass at air hockey. Little did I know, he is some sort of air hockey pro and the only game I beat him was when he gave me a 5 point lead. In a 7 point game. I won 7 to 6. I'm horrible at air hockey.
Everything became hilarious. Especially me. I was cracking myself up like never before. I wondered how I wasn't famous and the most popular person in the world.
After losing countless different games to J, I finally won a game of darts. I was wayyyy more excited about that then most people would be.
I was also way more excited than most would be that the McDonalds right by the bar has changed into a 24 hour place. I think I remember saying something like "this McDonalds has made my entire life a little more easier to live".
We ordered our mcnuggets and proceeded to have a heart to heart in the McDonalds drive thru while waiting for our food. I don't remember what exactly was said, but it was deep and profound and I got teary eyed, but immediately forgot it all when I was handed my food.
I forgot how crazy drunk munchies were.
On the five minute drive home, J ate his fries and as we were turning onto our street, he became very drunk. I didn't know french fries could do this. I was amazed. He then mentioned that it could have possibly been the double jack and coke he downed right before we left the bar.
We walked into the house and both tore off our pants. Neither of us care for pants to begin with and junk food must be eaten pants-less. It's a rule of the house.
I also tore off my shirt and bra and socks, leaving me in a wife beater and underwear, shoving nuggets and a kitkat into my gaping mouth. It was attractive, I'm sure.
More funny things were said, more drunken groping minus pants, and we may or may not have watched a Justin Timberlake concert which I may or may not own on DVD. This night was stellar.
In preparation for bed, I took 2 more tylenol, ate 2 tums, drank a glass of water and took another multi-vitamin.
I awoke feeling amazing. I opened my blinds, smiled, and held my arms open to the glorious rays of sun. Well, not really. But something like that.
This is what dreams are made of! Alcohol + No hangover =
Intervention?
I think I'm going to start drinking more often. It was the most fun I've had in ages. Pathetic, but true.

Speaking of hilarious and should-be-famous (not to mention extremely well written), you should read this blog. I have basically treated her archives like a really good TV show that I haven't seen before and become addicted to on DVD and don't leave my bed for 5 days because I just can't stop.