Lemonheads

Do you remember this song? I forgot it existed until I was searching far and wide for new songs for my Ipod, and then it was all like WHOA Evan Dando should be my secret lover. Which was strangely enough my exact thought when I was 15.

I was thinking about the guys I've dated over the years and I can honestly say that I have had ZERO healthy relationships in my lifetime. This inspires me to find a real relationship where I like him and he likes me and we laugh at each other and with each other and he loves my cats and I love his dog and maybe we have awesome sex and grill up some burgs on the foreman on a wednesday night. The important part being I LIKE HIM and HE LIKES ME. That is harder to find than one might think.
So here is a random list of stuff that has happened in my relationships and why they are so fucked up.

- Wanted to marry me in Vegas when I was 21 and he had cheated on me numerous times in the past and I always forgave him, but then I didn't marry him and awhile later he married some other girl in Vegas.

- Smoked pot a lot and would tell me he loved me sometimes and I never said it back, because I knew he didn't love me at all and he sucked in bed.

- Was a truly good, nice guy but he was a horrible kisser, once I gagged when he was kissing me, that should have been a sign that it might not work out, and I cheated on him and told him because I was riddled with guilt and now he hates me.

- Put a gun to his head and pulled the trigger.

- Turned 2 years of my life into constant swirling turmoil, with a lot of love and hurt mixed in, the most real version of love I can imagine and he's my best friend, but I'm not sure for how much longer.

- Liked to wear women's clothes sometimes and I liked that he wore women's clothes.

- Masterbated with only his thumb and pointer finger, that was weird.

- Once sang me Uncle Cracker over the phone.

- Was 10 years older than me when I was 19 and he was a bar-fly, and always partying and even at 19 I knew that was lame, and stopped hanging out with him so much and then one night he stopped by my work and wouldn't stop when I said No, and I made him leave and never heard from him again.

- Wore a pinky ring.

- We had one of those hanging wall mirrors laid on top of the dresser and I never once saw it not covered in huge rails of coke.

- Laid next to me on the floor, wrapped me with his arms and cried with me, told me he'd never replace me. Then he did.

- Told his new girlfriend I had a miscarriage and she called me a liar. He didn't defend me.

OK, I could go on and on but I'll stop. These are a few different guys, in no particular order. I know I'm focusing on the negative, but I will let you know when I think of a positive.
I'm 100% sure Evan Dando would be the perfect man for me, I gotta track that dude down.